I know January is behind us already, but I've been thinking a lot about resolutions lately. They tend to revolve around losing weight, or doing more of what you love, or generally just taking the New Year by storm. It has always struck me as kind of strange.

In a lot of ways, this past year was amazing. I heard my daughter's first words, watched her learn to roll, then crawl, then walk (and now run). I figured out maybe I could be a good father, or at least figured out I'd never quit trying to be. I took the time to read books again, for the first time really since my daughter was born. My favourite was "The Ocean at the End of the Lane" by Neil Gaiman. I discovered I love vinyl records, and rekindled that love of music all over again.

My wife launched her own business, Hoot & Holly, and so far she's done amazing with it. I've watched friends' babies grow up slowly yet all too quickly; watched as other friends have had their first child. A good friend of mine wrote his first book (which you can totally pre-order here). Some more good friends started playing new music together. I watched other friends launch businesses, or move on to great promotions and successes. All in all, some pretty great milestones to be celebrated.

In a lot of ways, this past year was also one of the hardest I've had. I lost a grandfather whose relationship I would call distant. It is one of those things I'll probably always regret in some way; I wasn't close with him, I certainly could have been, but now I'll never know. There's been family health scares, setbacks and strings of bad luck. I've watched really good friends go through break-ups and divorces, all the while wishing I could help in some way but of course knowing I couldn't.

For me, I had one of the toughest years of my career, letting the stress and the negativity build up and boil. While I was able to move on, it wasn't without its toll. I have struggled for most of this past year to find the time and energy to be creative, having hardly drawn or written anything. It is the most detached I've felt from art in a long time. I still get very passionate, and think about it constantly, I just falter and struggle staring down at that all too intimidating blank page.

So why didn't I make some resolutions to change? I think in a lot of ways resolutions can be a detriment at succeeding at something. You're setting the goal line before you've met the racers or seen what the track looks like. I could have a multitude of unexpected successes in the coming year, but have none of them line up with the goals and resolutions that I've set for myself. So then did I fail? With most of what's laid out before me being out of my control, how do I measure where I'm going to land?

Does this mean I don't have any accomplishments I'd like to achieve in the coming months? Absolutely not. I do wonder though how you just put a hard stop on something and say "This, this right here is where it all turns around!" There are events that took place last year that will trickle into and effect this year. The coming and passing of December 31st cannot change or influence that. Don't get me wrong, I love people that can set goals and work until they're done. I just think that that is a function of living. Every day should be about reflection and reassessing. You can't set just a set of resolutions and only expect to be confronted with just those.

I think the goal line is constantly changing, so you have to just keep running.

Labels: art, creativity, goals, resolutions